


Now I Can See

by tobeconspicuous



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Fluff, M/M, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-28
Updated: 2017-06-28
Packaged: 2018-11-20 16:11:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11338863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tobeconspicuous/pseuds/tobeconspicuous
Summary: Rafael had gotten used to seeing the world in shades of gray. Imagine his surprise one morning when looking into the mirror he saw his own very green eyes staring back at him.





	Now I Can See

**Author's Note:**

> Hi All! I cannot believe I am actually publishing something to this fandom. I hope everyone enjoys yet another soulmate fic... I know I adore this trope!
> 
> Many special thanks to Robin Hood (kjack89) for their wonderful conversation, support and acting as a beta for this fic. All the good bits can be attributed to them. Any mistakes are mine and mine alone.
> 
> I do not own, only enjoy them, and I hope you do to. Feedback is very much appreciated.

BEEP BEEP BEEP

Rafael lazily slapped his hand down to silence his alarm. He lay in bed for a few seconds, he resisted the urge to fall back asleep before he turned on his bedside light and carefully rolled out from beneath his blankets. He padded over to the bathroom and begun to prep his sink to shave. He looked in the mirror and his eyes grew wide with shock.

His bright green eyes.

Rafael never thought he would see color. He was 42 years old and had been told that his chances of running into his soulmate were slim. But yet at some point yesterday he had met them, had spoken a few words to them. He thought back upon the day's events and about where he had gone.

He and Rita had gone for breakfast at the new café near his office. He ended up spending the morning working quietly before he headed over to SVU to be briefed on the latest update for the Ellie Porter case, and then to the courthouse. He had questioned several witnesses and spoken to multiple members of the victim's family before he left to meet Gerard for a drink.

Gerard was a tall man with dark eyes framed by an unruly head of dark curls with a touch of silver creeping through. Unusual for men their age Gerard had loved and lost his soulmate very early on.  They'd fallen into bed again before Rafael made a hasty exit afterward. Gerard was starting to press Rafael for something more than he was ready for.

Rafael shook his head to clear it of thoughts of Gerard and continued to think, wracking his thoughts for who he had met the previous day. While some people had words tattooed somewhere on their bodies, the first thing their soulmate would say to them, or others had a matching birthmark, or intricate design on the palm of their hand, Rafael was an anomaly. He saw the world in shades of gray, never to see color until he had spoken his soulmate. Due to his profession Rafael spoke to many people who he would never see again, and yesterday was no exception.

Rafael drew a deep breath and decided to let it be. After all, what were the odds he would meet his soulmate once more?

\--

Despite his decision to let it be,  a few days later he had invited Rita out to breakfast at that same café under the illusion of discussing a plea for a client. Of course, Rita knew Rafael far too well and after some gentle manipulation he had told her everything.

His fingers rapped against the table as he waited for her to show. If his soulmate worked here he would prefer to face them with company. The waitress serving him dropped two large black coffees off at his table along with a copy of the menu.

“So what's the world like now you can see shades of color?” Rita prodded as she sat down opposite Rafael.

“One color,” he said, rolling his eyes. “Green.”

She flicked through the menu idly before letting it fall on the table. “It surprised me that you are pursuing this. I thought you were adamant not thinking about soulmates at all.”

“Honestly Rita.” He scowled at her. “You act as though it had never crossed my mind.”

She cocked he head, clearly unable to hold back her smirk. “Has it though?”

Rafael changed the subject, determined to avoid Rita’s questioning. “How are things going with Colin?”

“How are things with Gerard?” she pushed back.

“Rita—”

As if she knew she would get no further answers out of Rafael before sharing, Rita told him, “We're working through everything...it's hard.” Her voice was hard even as it broke.

Rafael gazed down to the circular marks on Rita's hand. Like Rafael she was an anomaly, unmarked until she had shaken hands with her supposed other half. Rita's soulmate was decades her senior, happily married with children. Though contact between a lawyer and a Judge may have been predictable, theirs was accidental and had imprinted on both of them in an interesting way.

“Has he had to recuse himself yet?” He asked, trying to lighten the subject.

“Our professional lives have yet to cross since the incident.” She stared at him, and he could practically  feel the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end. “And Gerard?”

Rafael lifted his coffee and took a large gulp before continuing. “Keeps dropping hints he would like to be exclusive.”

“And what does he make of your new found abilities?” Rita pressed.

“He doesn't know.”

“Rafi—”  she started, but Rafael cut her off.

“And I have no interest in bringing it to his attention.” His words cold, he downed the remainder of his coffee.

She was undeterred. “Aren't you a bit old to be using someone?” 

Somehow Rita always found a way to make Rafael feel wrong, it was one of her greatest skills. “Rita—”

“Maybe you should use this as an opportunity to end things with him,”  she suggested.

“I enjoy spending time with him,” Rafael  said with a  shrug.

Rita looked unimpressed. “You can't have it both ways,” she said, rolling her eyes, clearly done with their conversation.

“I know,” Rafael conceded. “I just need time to work out what I want.”

“Excuse me,” a pretty voice popped up. “Are you two ready to order?”

Their waitress had returned, notepad in hand, ready to take their order. Rafael surveyed the youth in front of him, a sinking feeling in his gut. The girl looked no older than twenty and she definitely served them last week , making her a viable candidate for his soulmate.  Rafael refused to let his thoughts go further. He would rather be without a soulmate for the rest of his life than be with someone so much younger.

“Rafael?” Rita raised an expectant eyebrow at Rafael, who instantly dropped his gaze to his menu.

“I need a bit more time.”

\--

“Mr. Barba!” a voice shouted from behind him. Rafae l, used to being pursued by any variety of defense attorneys, criminals or witnesses, sped up his pace as he headed for the elevator, hoping that he would lose his pursuer in the crowd. “Counselor!”

Rafael winced as the elevator doors closed in front of him , effectively cutting off his exit route.  He pressed the button and turned to meet his fate. Striding towards him was Liv's newest detective.

“Detective Carisi,” Rafael deadpanned. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

Carisi smiled at him, something almost tentative in his expression. “I think we got off on the wrong foot the other day.”

“You don't say?” Rafael raised an eyebrow.

Frankly, he couldn't recall much from their first meeting, just that the junior detective tried to provide a seasoned ADA advice on legal strategy and that he had been shot down spectacularly.

“I don't want to head into this on the wrong foot,” the detective said, offering his hand. “Can we start again? Please?”

Though Rafael rolled his eyes, he decided to indulge the other man. “ADA Rafael Barba.” As he firmly shook the proffered hand he noticed a look of disappointment in the younger man’s eyes, though it quickly disappeared and was replaced by a smile.

“Thanks for humoring me.” Carisi seemed to relax. “So I was thinking—”

“No,” Rafael said, shooting him down before he could even get to his request. “If you want my advice, present a coherent argument to me in my office or in your squad room. Not when I'm on my own time.”

“But—”

The elevator doors pinged open, Rafael politely waited for everyone to exit before stepping in and hastily pressing the ‘door close’ button to forestall any further conversation. When they finally closed he nodded farewell to the younger man. “Detective Carisi.”

He tried not to notice how disappointed Carisi looked.

\--

Rafael sat down at the bar and signaled for the barman to come over. Though he was continually running late, somehow he always managed to beat the semi-retired business man he had been seeing.

“Long day?” the bartender asked, setting a coaster on the bar in front of him.

“Of course,” Rafael grunted, impatient for the friendly conversation to be over.

As if sensing his mood, the bartender switched to a professional mode. “What can I get you?”

Pulling out some files to peruse, he waved off the bartender. “Scotch, straight.”

Shortly after, an unfamiliar hand placed the order in front of him, and Rafael’s gaze traveled up a nice forearm, across a broad chest which lead to light eyes, pale hair and a handsome set of chiseled features. His stomach pooled with desire, something he hadn't felt for a while. “Are you new here?” he asked, cautiously sipping his scotch.

The bartender flashed a smile and extended his hand. “Started last week, Adam.”

“Rafael.” Rafael accepted the proffered hand with a rare smile. “So why did you—”

“Your boyfriend is here,” Adam nodded over as Gerard rushed towards him.

“He's not my—” Rafael began, but the bartender was long gone before he could offer an explanation.

“Rafael! How's your week been?” Gerard interrupted, he kissed Rafael on the temple and plonked himself down beside him.

The lawyer took a long sip of his scotch before answering. “Stressful.”

Gerard gave him a sympathetic look. “I read the papers,” he continued. “After this case you should take some time off.”

Rafael quietly studied Gerard as he continued to advise which places were the best to visit depending on how many vacation days one had. They'd been seeing each other for a few months now, having fun. He truly liked Gerard and would have loved to continue in the same vein, but something was grating in the back of his mind. He took in the light green shirt the other man was wearing, a fashion crime which Rafael may not have ever noticed if he couldn't see the color. And then what was grating on him clicked — he had a soulmate, and Gerard deserved to know.

He gently placed his scotch on the bar and took a deep breath. “Look, Gerard—” 

Gerard continued as if Rafael hadn’t tried to interrupt. “Do you have some leave available? My work—”

“Gerard.” He didn't want to end it.

“—and you could—”

“Gerard.” But it was never going to go anywhere  and the other man deserved better.

“—and maybe we—”

Rafael finally snapped. “My eyes are green.” 

“What?” Gerard finally broke off with apparent confusion, though his shoulders appeared to tense as if he knew where this conversation was headed.

Rafael grabbed his glass and downed the last of his scotch. “Green. The color of my eyes.”

“Yes, and what does that have to do—”

He took a deep breath. “They were gray yesterday, the world was gray yesterday.”

Gerard's should ers went slack as he drank in Rafael's words. Rafael watched as a range of emotions began to cross the older man’s face, and when he could no longer comfortably watch, he distracted himself by calling Adam over and ordering another drink. He accepted the scotch with a small smile and sipped at it slowly, waiting for Gerard to speak.

“I see,” Gerard said finally. “Have you found your soulmate?” He had clearly had this conversation before, and all too often based on his tone.

“Not yet.” Rafael glanced at the bartender. “But I have an idea who they may be.”

“So this is  it then?” Gerard asked with a note of resignation. 

Rafael met the other man's concerned gaze and watched it turn to frustration. “I'm sor—”

Gerard gathered his things together with a sigh. “We both know that's not true.” 

“I am,” Rafael persevered. Despite everything, he really did feel for the other gentleman. 

The older man managed a fond, if slightly sad smile. “What are you going to do now?”

Rafael had made the decision long ago to not worry about finding his soulmate. But now that he knew they were actually out there, that there was someone for him, the idea of a soulmate was beginning to excite him. Not that he was going to tell Gerald that. “Enjoy my last days of freedom?” he suggested jokingly.

Gerard laughed. “I'll toast to that.”

\--

He was ashamed to admit it but Rafael had failed to notice that his world was saturated with colors he previously hadn’t see until he walked into the station and noticed a bright red scarf lying bunched up on Carisi’s desk. His thoughts turned to the charming bartender he had met the night before, a potential candidate. Though a bartender was not normally someone who Rafael could see himself with, he could make an exception for his soulmate.

Unfortunately that was when the overly eager detective decided to walk back to his desk. “Problem, Counselor?”

Rafael managed to gather himself. “Just admiring your scarf Detective. Is it cashmere?”

“I think so? My sister Theresa bought it for me.” The younger man’s enthusiasm was blinding. He picked up the scarf and dumped it towards Rafael.

Rafael fingered the soft wool,  which  was a lovely rich color. Even with his limited colour perception, he was sure the tone flattered the detective’s fair skin. “Your sister has exquisite taste.” He stepped forward and carefully wove the soft scarf around the younger man's neck, happy when it settled gracefully around his neck.

“Uh thanks?” Carisi blushe d, as if his cheeks were  desperately trying to match the color of the scarf.

Rafael took a step back, a slight frown forming on his features. He had no clue what possessed him to reach out to the detective in such a way. Before he could think on it further Liv interrupted with a shout, beckoning the attorney into her office. He collected himself before nodding at the other man, “Detective.”

\--

Ever since color started to creep into his daily life, Rafael began to develop a greater appreciation for how beautiful everything could be. An ordinary thing such as a sunset became spectacular, as hues of red, yellow and orange splashed across the sky. 

That evening Rafael had been invited out to drinks with the SVU squad. They had just won a particularly gruelling case, a man had brutally attacked and raped his wife and her newly discovered soulmate. Luckily the Jury had seen through Buchanan's shallow arguments and the defendant would be sent away for life.

Rafael recommended the bar where Adam the attractive bartender worked. He hadn’t spoken to the young man since he and Gerald parted ways, and when different colours kept appearing he knew the stunning publican was not his soulmate. As saddened as he was, it didn’t mean he couldn’t look.

As he stepped inside, the squad cheered, raising their glasses as he sat down beside them. Liv had ensured his usual beverage was there on ar rival, and he raised his own drink before taking a sip and placing the scotch back on the table.

As more alcohol was consumed and tongues began to loosen their conversation took an inevitable turn away from work to soulmates. It appeared the Special Victims Unit were an unlucky bunch in this regard.

“My former partner had found his,” Liv said, smiling fondly. “Didn’t stop him from making stupid decisions at times.”

Rollins batted her eyelashes exaggeratedly at Barba. “What about you Barba? Found your soulmate yet?”

Rafael looked up from his glass and smirked. Rollins also had a smirk across her face, the question rolling too easily off her tongue. “Maybe.”

Carisi seemed to perk up. “Maybe?” he repeated. “Don’t you believe in soulmates?”

Rafael shrugged. “My abuela found hers and had a happy marriage. My father found his after years of marriage and started a new family.” Memories of his childhood crept into his mind, and he downed his scotch and all but slammed the glass on the table.

“So that’s a no then?”

Rafael chuckled at the younger man before him, who was undeterred by Rafael’s prickliness. “I didn’t say that. In my experience it is complicated, and I’d like to get to know my soulmate first.” He gave Carisi a measured look. “What about you, Detective, you found your soulmate yet?”

The junior detective’s eyes quickly flicked up to meet Rafael’s, his answer hesitant and pitched more as a question. “Yes?”

“You don’t sound so sure.”

Carisi shrugged. “Well, they’re stubborn. I’m just not sure how to play things.”

Rollins giggled loudly, clearly out of it. “Just give them a kiss, girls like a man to show them they are wanted. Right, Barba?”

“Sure,” he agreed, rolling his eyes. “Who wouldn't want their soulmate to forcibly kiss them?”

The young woman tipped her head back and guffawed loudly. “See! Just plant one on them.”

“And with that, I’m out,” Fin said, standing up. “Amaro, you got this?” he asked, nodding towards Rollins.

“Sure, I’ll make sure she gets home,” Amaro said genially, standing as well. “Come on, Rollins.”

As Amaro helped Rollins to her feet, Rafael kept chatting softly with Liv, Carisi hanging onto every word of their conversation. Finally, the sergeant excused herself, since Lucy was due to go home and Noah was missing his mother. Liv waved them off at the door, hopping in a Lyft and leaving Rafael and Carisi in slightly awkward silence.

“So…” Carisi started, though he appeared to have no clear direction for the thought.

“Rollins is right,” Rafael told him, assuming he was thinking of the previous conversation, and he forced a smile at the younger man. “Be forward, talk to them, show them how you feel. Be courageous, and you never know, they may appreciate your enthusiasm.”

Carisi didn’t seem convinced, looking at Rafael almost nervously. “Are you sure?”

“When am I wrong?”

The young detective smiled at him as if that was the answer he’d been waiting for before stepping forward, taking Rafael's face in his hands and placing a kiss firmly on his mouth. Carisi’s lips against his own cause his heart to stutter, his palms to sweat and a shiver of desire ran down his spine. All too soon the younger man ended the kiss, a tentative smile gracing his lips.

“What was that?” Rafael said coolly, his surprise fading to anger as he took a step back from the Detective.

“I just, I thought—?” Carisi seemed to trip over the words, his grey eyes growing soft and soulful, looking as though his heart was breaking.

Rafael grabbed his coat and stormed out of the bar, refusing to look back at the other man. He had no idea what had happened, he hadn't said anything to the other man to indicate that he wanted to be kissed. As he made his way home, the gears in his head started to turn and he thought of the interactions he had with the other man.

The day after they met he saw the color of his eyes for the first time.

The day after they touched he saw red for the first time.

The day after every conversation they had, another color would come to him: oranges, yellows, and pinks all seemed to come to life.

Even his thoughts of Carisi had become tinted with color, the younger, relatively attractive detective’s hair slowly becoming dark blond seemingly overnight, his cheeks becoming tinged pink, especially whenever he saw Rafael. Whose red lips seemed to break into a heart stopping smile each time he saw Rafael. 

Who could potentially be Rafael’s soulmate. 

As the memory of the detective’s kiss flooded his senses, a warm feeling settled below his belly button, coupled with a twinge of guilt over storming out of the bar the way he had. Still, Rafael reasoned that he would know for certain whether Carisi was his soulmate or not when he finally saw the spectrum of colour which made up his wardrobe.

\--

The next morning Rafael strode into the precinct, walking straight up to the detective's desk. “Detective Carisi, a word.”

The younger man jumped before he looked up at Rafael, a hesitant smile growing across his face. He slowly raised himself from his desk and followed as Rafael led him into one of the unused meeting rooms, and then closed the door behind them. He grabbed the detective’s collar and dragged him down into a hesitant kiss. After a few seconds Carisi responded, placing his large hands on the shorter man’s waist.

“You,” Rafael chuckled when he finally pulled away, and he looked at Carisi hungrily, memorizing every color that made up the detective, especially the blue of the other man’s eyes.

“Me,” Carisi said, a smile blooming across his face. He took a step forward and unbuttoned the first few buttons of his shirt, pulling the pale blue material back to reveal his shoulder and the words tattooed across it.

_ "Right... And you are?" _

Rafael had to stop himself from rolling his eyes. “It has an ellipsis.”

“Yep.”

“It even looks sarcastic,” Rafael muttered, though he was smiling.

“Just part of your charm,” the detective reassured him with a wink. “Or so I have been told.”

For a moment, Rafael was tempted to reach out, to trace the tattoo with his fingers, though he couldn’t quite manage it. “You've known this whole time?” he asked instead.

Carisi cocked his head slightly. “Of course,” he said, sounding a little surprised. “You haven't?”

Rafael shook his head. “Funnily enough, no.”

“When did you realize?” Carisi asked, something almost wary in his expression.

“I had an inkling after last night when you kissed me,” Rafael told him, his tone and expression wry, “which was confirmed this morning when the world exploded in color.”

Realization flashed across Carisi’s face, and he ducked his head as he nodded. “That explains a lot then.”

“What?” Rafael asked.

“Only someone as pragmatic as you would be content seeing the world in shades of gray.”

Carisi said the words easily, without the sarcasm Rafael would’ve expected, and judging by the look he was giving him, the detective was already half in love with him. Rafael felt his face grow red and he quickly changed the subject. “How young are you?”

“Not as young as I look,” Carisi said, though not defensively. Rafael raised an eyebrow and Carisi elaborated, “Thirty, not too young.”

“I'm forty-two.”

Carisi didn’t seem thrown by the number at all. “Not too old.”

“And your family?” Rafael asked, well aware that there were few parents would would want their son to end up with a man twelve years his senior, soulmates or otherwise.

Carisi shrugged and made a face. “Won't be incredibly enthused, but that would be because you’re male.”

He said it dismissively, but for Rafael, it brought back some of his worst memories from growing up. “Oh joy,” he said, sarcasm oozing from every pore.

“They will be happy we found one another,” Carisi said, a little sharply. “What about your family?”

Rafael could see Lucia’s smirk. “My mother will just be happy I’ve finally found someone.” He may even get a reprieve from her harassing him about grandchildren.

Carisi shrugged.  “So what now?”

“We go back to work?” Rafael suggested, as if it was obvious.

The detective rolled his eyes. “About our relationship?” 

“Dinner? Drinks? Disclosure,” Rafael said, taking a deep breath before adding, “Perhaps not in that order.” He raised an eyebrow. “Does that work for you, Detective?”

“Call me Sonny,” Carisi said with an eager, almost hopeful grin.

“Maybe,” Rafael said, because if he could finally find his soulmate after all this time, and if it could somehow manage to be someone as irrationally perfect as Carisi was, then surely anything was possible. A genuine smile fell across his face. “One day.”


End file.
